I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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