if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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