I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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