soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
