please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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