just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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