I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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