Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
