I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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