rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
