I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
His nipple licking is glorious
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