i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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