I just cut my nipple shaving
pop tarts are not kleenex
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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