Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
