Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize