after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
