I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize