I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My vagina is officially offended.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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