Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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