"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
