I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i think my cat just said my name.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
