Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
