Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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