just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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