this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
