How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
