On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
