thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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