White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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