Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
