I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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