I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
