I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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