I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
