if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
