I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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