I heard we made out
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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