Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
