Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
