I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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