to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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