My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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