Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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