I think scott just propositioned me for sex
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
