i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
