Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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