I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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