Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
bring money and cleavage
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
