Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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