24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
