I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
