I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
