Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
