I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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