Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
