forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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