she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
