The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
