Your face is a jimmy john
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
