The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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