How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
