Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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