Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
