Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
