I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
