why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
