he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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