Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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