I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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