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How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
