That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Of course I have a pirate flag
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death