but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
These 19 Sad People Chose Video Games Over Sex
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.