How drunk are you??
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me