I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died