If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so let's talk penis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i've created a new STD.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.