Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
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I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition