I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
