Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We were destined to go to rehab together
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
