sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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