Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
