Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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