I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
