I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
