dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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