I just pynch a tree in the face
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just want nice things and good sex
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
